EstherChin.com

So far, so good

2008-11-18T15:22:00.009+08:00

USA Visa approved :)

Flight ticket - Bought!

Flight from KL on the 21st Dec, transit in Singapore then to Tokyo and finally reaching Detroit, USA at 1.20pm the next day.

List of things to do before going back to USA.

Take back my passport - tomorrow.
Go to UCSI to get my withdrawal form signed - tomorrow.
Fill up my full details on Western Michigan University's website.
EAT MALAYSIAN FOOD.
Pack.
Make a list of things to buy before going back to USA.
Shopping.
Meet up with:

cousin Cax
pet brother Eddie
friends like Mich and Mag
Hari and Tharan
Ash, Kel, Isuru and of coz Philee too
Mark
Bobby
Eric
Amos
Nitia
Edrei
Kay

Temptation

2008-11-17T11:54:00.007+08:00

She said:
MARY MACGREGOR - Torn Between Two Lovers

There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word let me tell you, I love you
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can

There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will
There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill

[Chorus:]
Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

You mustn't think you've failed me
Just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said
I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you

[Chorus]

I couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away
But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay

[Chorus]

Torn between two lovers

[Fade]

Feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules

He said:
BRICK & LACE - Love is Wicked

Yeah
Brick And Lace, Inna De Place
Ya Love Is Wicked Wicked Wicked
Kill 'um

Running around I Can't Get Through My Day (Ya Feel Me)
Thoughts Of You Just Keep Consuming Me (Inna Me Head Inna Me Head oh yeah)
(Cause I) Thought I Could Do It But Now I See
That You're Not Mine, And I Was Wrong To Think You'd Change Yeah

[Hook:]
I Wish You Could Stay With Me Another Day (Day)
I Wish I Could Change Your Mind And Make You Stay (Stay)
(Cause I) I'd Give Anything To Hear You Say (Sayayay)
I'll Be Lovin You Eternally

[Chorus:]
(Your Love Is Wicked)
Tears On Ma Pillow Ca Yo Love Is Wicked
Cry Me A River Ca Yo Love Is Wicked (Your Love Is Wicked)
Friends Come Around Say Your Love Is Wicked
By The Kisses Wa U Give Don't U Know It's Wicked (Your Love Is Wicked)
Wait Fa Ya Call Caz Yo Love Is Wicked
Can't Sleep At All Ca Yo Love Is Wicked (Your Love Is Wicked)
Pain In My Heart Ca Yo Love Is Wicked
By The Lovin Wa U Give Don't U Know It's Wicked

Wa Mih A Go Do?
Fi Get Ova You?
Anybody Have A Remedy Or A Cure?
Someone Call De Doctor Or Emergency Crew
Ca Mih Carry Feelings Fih U Fih U Fih You
[Repeat]

Baby I Loved You From The Very Start, yea Yeah
Even Though I Knew That You Would Break My Heart
And I, Couldn't Resist The Way You Touched Me Baby
Was I, A Fool, To Think I'd Play nothin but 2 (two)

[Hook:]

[Chorus:]

Wa Mih A Go Do?
Fi Get Ova You?
Anybody Have A Remedy Or A Cure?
Someone Call De Doctor Or Emergency Crew
Ca Mih Carry Feelins Fih U Fih U Fih You
[Repeat]

[Chorus:]

Ya Kissin, Ya Huggin, Ya Luvin, Ya Sexin Uh Uh Uh
Oh My Baby I Am Missin U

Wedding \ Marriage

2008-11-16T12:03:00.002+08:00

My family and I attended Abby and Richard's wedding dinner yesterday night. As I was sitting there looking at the smiling bride and her shy husband up on stage I allow my mind to wonder off.

I imagine myself having a garden wedding by the lake on a summer day, in the beginning of June. I'd arrive by boat, seated, looking at the crystal clear water with swarms swimming around in the middle of the lake. And at the corner of a turn, I look up and soft breeze brush through my cheeks as I could see him standing by the alter smiling back at me. As I get out of the boat, my daddy takes my hand and lead me, walking down the aisle, my long white gown drag on the fresh green grass a little before my flower girl picks it up and follow me from behind. From the distance, I could see the little ring barrier and opposite him is the best man's mischievous look standing behind him. And my eyes fix on him alone as I walk, I could see his smile clearer, the priceless smile- knowing that he'd be spending the rest of his life with the woman he loves- me.

Quotes from the movie; 27 Dresses

Jane: You know how the bride makes her entrance and everybody turns to look at her? That’s when I look at the groom. Cause his face says it all you know? The pure love there.

Kevin: When the bride comes in and she makes her giant grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. Cause even though I think he’s an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery, he always looks really, really happy.

There, I was dreaming. I'm never really a dreamer...until lately. Hmm...

Related post: Marriage (although I have to admit that I now don't view marriage in 3 different ways anymore, and choose to elaborate on that part some other time.)

Decisions. How do you make them?

2008-11-15T16:56:00.008+08:00

As I was out with Kel and Isuru yesterday at Mid Valley, Isuru had to make a decision and is being very indecisive. Kel, being him- finally got inpatient and decided to help him out.

He said, "Take Calvin and Hobbies for an example. In the SHORT term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the LONG term, it would make me happier to do well in my studies & become successful. In the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories."

You see, the is a difference between long term and very long term. Think carefully before you decide and make sure you would not regret your decision.

So, throwing back the question at you, my readers... In VERY long term, I know which would make better memories. Do you?

Rejection

2008-11-14T23:31:00.001+08:00

I understand. This is why I am how I am and I know how it feels.
Here's one person though that won't make you feel rejected.

Thank you.

Langkawi (Part 2)

2008-11-14T18:06:00.003+08:00

3rd destination : Eagle feeding

I remembered how Eddie describe to us how the eagle feeding process would be.He said,- They would just throw the eagle food into the sea and tell us "Ini-lah (this is) helang (eagle)" Well, he was wrong about the guy telling us "Inilah helang" but that was exactly it, they just throw the food into the sea and within a few seconds, those small eagles came 'zoom-ing' into the water to get their food.
I asked what did they throw - for the eagle to eat and they replied "Kulit Ayam" which means chicken skin.

4th destination: Beras Basah Island a.k.a. Wet Rice Island (in English)Yes, I don't look that happy in this picture thanks to the headache.

As we were heading back to the speedboat, we say this friendly guy from Baghdad, Iraq feeding the monkey and decided to watch him for a while.

After he finish feeding the monkeys, he came and talk to us :)

Adrian and I head back to our resort after the island hopping about 6pm. After I drug myself to relieve the pain in my head, I slept for 2 hours and woke up to a pain-less head. Finally it was gone.

For dinner, we head to Restaurant Fat Mum Seafood. The best decision we had made so far during our whole Langkawi trip.

Jenny Goo is the best cook ever. Her dishes... I'd give her 1000 over 10 points. Seriously, me...being a picky eater is superbly satisfied with her cooking.

All of us wanted more after finishing every single bit of food in front of us and after talking to her, she suggested that she cook something that is not in the menu for us.

OMG! The food she cooked gave me such a wonderful orgasmic experience, I would definitely hire her to be my personal cook and come fly with me to USA if I had the money to do so.

(standing) Josh, Jenny, Mitchelle and Adrian T
(sitting) Eddie, me, Adrian and Jon

After spending the most well-spend-money on food I've ever eaten in my life, the group headed to SUNBA.

Before deciding to get our drinks, majority of them didn't like the feel of the place so we headed to the next door - SUNKARMA.or SUNSUTRA. I can't remember which was it coz I was too busy taking pictures to make a 'documentary' for my post.The most beautiful bathroom I've ever seen...Final stop, we head to another place to drink somewhere near the beach...

... and talk about porn.... and laugh our heads out.wait... I think they were laughing at me. Coz I never watch porn before.

Don't believe me?
.
.
.
Like I care what you think!

p.s.: On the lst day, before we left, we had our final 'makan' at Fat Mom's Restaurant again. And believe me, I had another wonderful orgasmic experience :p

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cost for Langkawi Trip

Hotel and car (+ petrol) days 2 nights: RM140
Liquor to make you high and hangover for the next 20 hours: RM25
Ferry: RM18 x 2
Bus: RM43 x 2
Island hopping: RM45
Food: RM55

Langkawi (Part 1)

2008-11-13T20:08:00.006+08:00

Went to Langkawi a few weeks back with Adrian Lee, Adrian T, Joshua, Jonathan and his girl Mitchelle.

Having a coffee break in the island after a painful 7 hours bus ride and an hour ferry ride.

Josh and Adrian TMitchelle and JonThe resort we stayed in. Duty free cigarettes..Sunset in the evening of the first day We met up with my god-bro Eddie who is studying there and had dinner along with many many shots of alcohol later in the night. Of coz, the future pilot didn't drink coz he had classes the next day but the rest of us were really really high that night...

...which I regretted the next day.
Why?
I woke up the next day with a hungover...
...that lasted until 8pm
-.-

Anyway, Adrian and I signed up and paid for this island hopping activity on the next day... which I find it rather wasted coz I had a headache the whole day.Our island hopping thingy was suppose to be at 10am in the morning but we couldn't make so Adrian called and requested our trip to be scheduled in the afternoon session.1st destination: Gunung Ibu Mengandung (or something like that) a.k.a. Pregnant Woman Mountain (in English)
2nd destination: Dayang Bunting Marble Cinta Alam Kita means......love our environment.Monkeys actually snatch plastic bags from you hoping to find food inside.

The lake

You're perfect

2008-11-13T02:18:00.000+08:00

I just hope that hard times don't cloud our memories of how much we love each other. I want us to be happy but more than that I always want us to be happy together. I always want to be able to be open and honest with you and I want the same for you.

Above all my worries though lies the quieting knowledge that I love you with all my heart and if you feel even close to the same way, the we will be ok. It will take work, as we will disagree on many things, but I'm willing to do the work because the happiness you give me is so much greater than any trouble you could cause.

I think that's it, you make me happy. So often and so intensely happy that any shortcoming you have is muted and dwarfed. I don't want you to be self conscious about it by any means, but it's just you Esther. It's your smile, your questioning looks, your sarcasm, your body language. It's the same thing when talking about physical attraction. All of it is just so perfect. You're perfect. Perfect for me and I hope I can be half the man you deserve.

I'm yours Esther. Nobody else will do. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be quite stubborn on the subject.

I love you sweetie. Hurry back.

You'd never be half the man I deserve. You, in a whole, is what I deserve.

10 facts about myself

2008-11-12T11:17:00.001+08:00

Difficult - I would use to describe myself if I'm only limited to one word.
I contradict myself, with or without an explanation about it.
I keep a lot to myself although emotionally expressive.
I will overheat instantly if anyone tells me to "CALM DOWN" when I'm boiling.
I prefer to shop alone and I'm obsess with heels. I never wear heels less than 1.5 inch.

I used to have insomnia and take pills just to sleep. I once drug myself with cough syrup too. Couldn't move for an hour or two after I wake up.
I only need 6 or 7 hours of sleep. Strangely, I never have eye bags. More than 8 hours will give me a migraine for the whole day. I had been having migraines since 10 years old.
I am a very stressful person. I can't take shoulder / body massages.
I swallow my food, bite very little. I used to eat really slow when I was younger and it became a habit for me to swallow since it's faster to finish the food that way.
I can be very random at times. Very.

Hardly keeping it together

2008-11-11T16:00:00.003+08:00

Bellatrix Black
Year 4 - Beginning of Dec

Her fist crashed against the bathroom mirror in front of her causing an extremely unspeakable and inexpressible pain on her knuckle. Her hands then landed on the basin- holding on to it. The loud crash alarmed people around, one of which, came running to her aid, grab her bleeding knuckle and quickly wrapped it. Motionless, Bella continued staring at the mirror for quite some time before slowly shifting the focus of her dark brown eyes to the crack she made and then to her hands. It was bleeding very badly and as she close her eyes to persevere the feeling of pain, she could hear the panicky voice of the older girl who is still pressing onto the wound to help stop the blood from flowing. Are you crazy?

Her patience was once again pushed to the limits. She felt so helpless all of a sudden. It seems as though every time there was hope, something goes wrong. Feels as if there is nothing that she can do except to wait for the next disappointment. What had she done wrong to deserve this? This last try- of hope, is the last try. She can hardly keep it together anymore.

She walk out of the bathroom leaving the girl that aided her behind. Not even a word of thank you was mentioned.

The older Lestrange was waiting for her outside. "What took you so long?" he questioned before realizing the blood on her right hand and cursed. She just looked at him.

They walk slowly to the nearest corridor, with Lestrange leading the way. Upon reaching, he looked at Bella as though waiting for an explanation yet she choose to be silent.

Silence- filled her surroundings as she then took a step to the edge and looked down to see the world below. There were powdery white dots floating about and from a distance along with a few mini snow tornados took place.

Falling- she imagine herself falling down. Feeling the rushing wind against her cold - almost frozen body and light soft snow falling on her face.

Peace.

The odd one out

2008-11-11T05:13:00.008+08:00

Ever wondered why I turn out the way I am now? (for those who know me personally)

Here, I'd give one main reason to answer the above question.

While talking to Ash that other day while we were out, she pointed out that I changed a lot after high school. I couldn't agree more that.

You see, being the only child in the family, I had always find it hard to associate with people around me. I wasn't any one's favourite, in a matter of fact. To top that up, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm blessed to be spoiled in more than one way, even until now, either from guys or family.

It started out at the very young age when every kid tend to be very vulnerable and sensitive when it comes to fitting in. I was in primary school then. I wasn't any popular kid nor was I smart or pretty and to make things worst, I had a temper, a very hot one. Remembering the things that I used to do just to join (not even 'fit in') the group was too humiliating. I hated them but I was desperate to get my ass in. Needless to say, I hated them until now and most probably will until the day I die. Bitter? Oh, it was the effect that I allow to happen after going through shit. And I'm not regretting it. So, primary school, I was rejected.

Proceeding to secondary school. For your information, I changed school two times within five years. No, I wasn't kicked out nor did my family shifted to another area, but I changed for the very fact that I didn't fit in either. My first secondary school, consist most of those people that had came from the same primary school as myself, hence, no difference from primary school scene.

After a year in that school, I decided 6 years of facing them daily was more than I could take, hence, I switched to my second school which is also nearby my previous house. That, I stayed for 2 years, but same thing, I didn't fit in and I still have the tendency of making people hate me. It wasn't a hard thing to do. I was and still, indeed a very difficult person to deal with. To make things worst, I had to go through puberty like every normal teenager and shallow people e.g. a girl's ex boyfriend, name Edison would insult me by saying that "No one would like Esther since I had so much pimples on my face." WTF? That hurt me a lot, although come to think of it now, I shouldn't have let those petite things affect me but still, I was young and wanted to fit in. Come to think of it now, as I look back, I have to thank him in a way, coz I then knew the importance of not only having the brains, but beauty too. And that's what a girl have to posses if they want to succeed in many expect of their life. Anyway, thinking that things would change and life would be easier on me if I switch again, I went on to the third school.

I should have learn earlier that wherever you go, it's still going to be the same shit, just different places. But no, I had to end up in the third secondary school to understand that. Heck, I spend the last two years of my high school, rejected. Still, I was the same hot tempered girl with a character problem but desperate as ever to fit in, I wanted somewhere to belong. Imagine everyday having recess alone for your whole schooling life (other than the time I hang out with Ash's gang for recess) and the only time people would talk to you is when they need your help or want to compare marks to see who gets first, second and third in class. Pathetic, yet I survived high school and was glad that I am finally out of it.

Then the time came when I had to further my studies in a university. Not given much of a choice, I applied for UCSI. Being the money-sucking-under deliver uni they are, I wasn't satisfied with them, but that wasn't the point. Anyway, as I was in uni, needless to say AGAIN, I was rejected all the same. Then slowly, I realize that- heck, if situation don't change, I- myself have to change. Yeah, I did change all right. I changed into a person with a very strong character, not needing to have friends to rely on (although it would help a lot and can be an advantage), I stop being the person that other people tells me to be, what I aught to be. Although I still am the same hot tempered girl with a personality problem, I found myself. I understand that it's only fair to be true to myself. That was when the "I don't give a fuck" kinda attitude came into place. Ashvini calls the both of us Alpha Female, I can also...only agree to her remark. Some people are just fortunate enough to not go through as much rejection their whole life, but not me. I had to learn it the hard way. It is when I changed, I started to see a change in my surroundings.

You Are an Alpha Female

Powerful, confident, and successful -
you are definitely a dominant force.

You control social and dating situations.
It's clear that you're always in charge.

I remember that I asked Ash about the change she saw in me if compared to the girl she used to know back in high school and the very same girl that's sitting in front of her sharing the plate of pancakes with.

"You used to want to fit in, listen to people and do what they tell you. You aren't like that now, more hard headed than before."

I replied, "Yeah, I have to. It's the survival plan. People, if they don't like me for who I am, they can very well- FUCK OFF coz I don't really give two shits about it anymore." I beamed, I am proud of it, why? Coz in my current situation, I'm the one calling the shots, it is up to me to decide who is my friend and who's not. I wasn't desperate anymore, in fact I got used to being the odd one out, it feels good now. I was no longer bounded to become what people want me to be but I am who I am, not a copy anymore. I am happy and comfortable with the person I am now. The rest of you who are still licking da-cool-people's shoes and swallowing their shit just to be in the group. Keep it up guys. I wish you all the best.

Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and I stand by it.

You Are 89% Real

There's hardly a person on this earth
more real than you are.
You have no problem showing people
who you are, flaws and all.
For you, there couldn't be any other way.
Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life.
You're very comfortable with yourself.
And because of this, you're able to live an exciting,
interesting, and challenging life.

Blaming others isn't a factor anymore, it's me just simply choosing to live the outcome of my past. Let's just say, I learned, grew up and found myself.

p.s.: thank God my acne problem subside -.- that helped a lot.

Ashvini, I love you.

Better stand tall when they're calling you out.
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down.
Bon Jovi - It's My Life

I want my life back

2008-11-10T11:24:00.007+08:00

You know what I hate most about my life?

Being the only child.

I feel what the oldest, middle and youngest child feels.

I will soon be 21 in a months time and all I really want is to live my life.
You have been living my life for me in the past, I suggest that it's about time you give it back.

Thank you.

Shinedown - Second Chance

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watched the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out Today

I just saw Hayley's Comet she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the Moon disappears
somewhere in the Stratosphere"

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry,
I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye
is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today

[Chorus]

Here is my chance
This is my chance

[Chorus]

Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance [x2]

You can never have everything in life

2008-11-10T01:33:00.002+08:00

Bellatrix Black
Year 4 - End of November

*cont*

Looking back, her life had been carefully mapped out since the day she was born. Being the eldest among her siblings is never easy and never will, being the bench mark of everything- the hopes and dreams that rested upon her shoulders, even her responsibilities were heavier, all eyes on her every move and decisions since the starting point of her life. Perfect- her parents wanted her to be perfect, at least perfect in their eyes. It was more than a handful for her to take at times. She considered herself an obedient child yet rebellious, wild and difficult. All of which an effect of the stress she grew up enduring. But that was life. Her life.

Bella's grip on her cup of coffee fastened. Cissy placed her hands on her sister's and asked softly, "Is everything alright?" Not waiting for an answer from her, she asked again "Anything that want to talk about?" Silence from Bella. Before her lips begin to moved again, Bella replied angrily "There is nothing to talk about". She just lost it, yelling at her sister wasn't something that she would normally do. Almost instantly, she stood up and threw the cup on the ground, shattering it into bits and pieces- just the way her heart would feel soon on or later.

A guy's voice from the other end of the table drifted through the crowd "Lady! What's your problem!!" She glared at his direction for 3 seconds before taking her eyes off the object she decided wasn't worth cursing and storm off knowing that soon a prefect would stop her for an explanation of her compulsive action. Everyone else just stared at her, whispering to each other as she walk pass them. She was not surprise by their actions.

It was just Bellatrix Black. An impression- she would effortlessly unintentionally make, everywhere she went.