I have a lil confession to make
Friday, 18 April 2008
Like I've mentioned before, I went back to church (last Sunday) to meet up with my friends.
Well, I stopped going to church since I started college, it was about 3 years back, if I can recall correctly. Why you may ask. Well, there were lots of reasons as to why I stopped, you may call them excuses but heck, honestly, I don't care. I guess the main two reasons for me to stop going to church is because I just drifted apart from my relationship with God. The other reason would be because drinking sessions would most likely be on Saturday nights and I would come home about 4-5am on a Sunday morning, sleep about 6am and can't wake up for church. Yes, this is lame, but heck, it's just life. Had always been like this and still is, although I'm trying to cut down on it lately.
A brief history about myself here; I grew up in a Christian family. When I was younger, I used to go for the children service every Sunday. When I was a teenager, I would also faithfully go for Solid Rock Youth Fellowship (SRYF) every Saturday for youth service, there were times when I would song lead, be in charge of games and back up singing too. I was the Secretary of SRYF, back then. I remembered how I used to walk to church every sat & sun and hang out at the mamak near church on the weekends. Church services, events and activities such as camps used to be a MUST on my yearly schedule where I would seriously anticipate to go. Through out the years of my Christian walk with God, I guess I wonder off some how or rather along the way. It wasn't an overnight decision and it wasn't rather shocking either. And then I suddenly stop going. I just don't see the point of going to church anymore. Well, some of my friends did tried to get me back to church but none of them were successful till now. Partly, because I've been in their shoes before and everything they say, I could 'counter' it, effortlessly. Well, another thing might be because I wasn't ready to come back, or plainly, I didn't want to. It isn't complicated, my situation. It really isn't. Or I try to think it isn't.
But don't get me wrong, I do not deny God and my religion (and never will). I would NEVER bow to any other gods other than Jesus Christ. I believe in heaven and hell. I know the bible well (yes, believe me, I do.) And I have my stands when it comes to my life and God.
Fine. I do/might sound like a hypocrite Christian now as I write this, drifting far far away from my relationship with God, claiming to know the bible and all and yet saying that I am still a Christian. And come to think of it, I'm not planning to go back to church anytime soon too. I remember when I was in back in church, attending the Sunday service few days back, I could strongly sense the familiarity within me as I stood there while others were singing, praising and worshiping. But all I did was just stand there the whole time, I didn't open my mouth, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I am not ready. As I stood there, flashback of the past kept coming to me, how I used to serve God, how I used to be so persistent to go for EVERY church events, how I used to go up to the alter - kneel down - lifted my hands up and worship God. Yeah, familiarity, but things change so much now.
The changes only one person I know of, would understand. Others that claim to understand too, well, they don't know a shit about me :)
posted @ 12:32,
